About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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