Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
