cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
