you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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