How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize