dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
