so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
