and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
