He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
