so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
