Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
