i permit you to call me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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