I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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