I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i've created a new STD.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
