it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
