do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
