you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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