My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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