he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
