2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
