Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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