it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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