Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
