I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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