it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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