We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
