did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
okay pat passed out under dana's car
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait