I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I will die if light touches me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.