I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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