stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
