somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Even my vagina gasped.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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