so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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