I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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