my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
