Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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