I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love having hate sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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