Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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