I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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