i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
