just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
