your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
