i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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