I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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