Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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