Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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