hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
