I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
