I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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