I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
