Four minutes until I can fart!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This house was built for laser tag.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
