If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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