i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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