Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
