I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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