Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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