So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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