I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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