Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
