Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
