I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You took a bar mat shot.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
