Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
