But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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