State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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