Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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