thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
