True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
