she woke up with a sticky ear
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she smelled like a LAN party
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
