So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
