Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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