You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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