she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
