I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
