apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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