He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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