hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
