I'm eating all of the evidence.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
