Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
