I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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