Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
