id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
