i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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