Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
